hmm ok, i know ... [apanya yang i know??!!! ... gak jelas juga!] eh iya, jadi ya gitu, emang udah official tapi in a way masih belom bisa diberitahukan ke khalayak ramai. why? beats me!! gw juga ampe sekarang belom tau kenapa! the first person that i notify was marisa. for me, she's the perfect person to start with. can't think of an idea or way to tell jedi about this.

ficky told me not to let too many people know about it first, maybe strictly for the girls only.


i wrote those words up there yesterday, about 5 in the afternoon. so i'm sure when jedi read the previous post, he didnt know that there was an immediate post afterwards. i'm so sorry that he had to know about the news from my blog and not hear it coming from my own mouth.

it's pretty sad to know that he's feeling ok with what happened. he congratulated me through sms, and i cant share how my feelings were at that moment. a hard mix of confuse, shock, sad, happy, relief, entrapment, and loneliness all at the same time. suddenly all of those happiness knowing that finally once again, your life is on track ... just disappeared.

the telephone conversation was sweet, pretty brief, and very supportive. i cant be the way he was this afternoon. some might say that it's a trashy thing, but deep down inside ... for me, it was sincere. at least i'd like to take it .. and believe it, and would like to leave it that way. cant tell how much i feel grateful for not choosing him by any mistake in the past. guess after all, he actually worth all those freakin' stressfull times. it makes me stronger, and i guess it makes me softer as well.